In the time of quarantine it can be hard to do anything. Especially when it comes to feeling creative. The industry completely shut down in March and we don't know when exactly things will be back to normal if ever. I went from performing every week to sitting in my apartment overthinking everything.
In April I got asked to do Erica S Bream's OH-Riginal challenge. Actors submit a one minute self tape with the prompt "Oh sorry" or "Oh it's you". It was nice to have something to work on but I thought no way would do well. Negative thoughts taking over once again.
I shut them up, and instead focused on doing what I thought was funny. I record several takes all of them more ridiculous then the next. I finished, I edited, I was ready to click send. Then those thoughts crept back in. This is so bad, it's not funny, I look like a crazy person, my agents will hate this, can I even act??! I took a step back and thought there is no way I can submit this.
I talked to my boyfriend and I thought on it more. He told me who cares fuck it, if it makes you laugh that's all that matters. Sometimes you need that little extra push because the thoughts inside your head get so loud you cant think. Fuck it. I submitted it.
I heard nothing for months, I even truly forgot about it. Then in June people starting finding out if they made the top 200 out of 8,500 tapes. That's a lot of tapes. I didn't make 200 I felt defeated, I guess my negative thoughts were right.
THEN the next day I got an email saying I made top 20! TOP 20! Out of 8,500 tapes!! I really couldn't believe it I was so humbled. It felt good to be creative during this time and be acknowledged as someone who is good at there craft.
It's crazy to think I almost didn't submit, I almost held myself back. Just goes to show you that you can't listen to that nasty little voice in your head. You just have to save fuck it and trust your gut.
Watch the tape